Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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