wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
