I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
