im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
