Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
