eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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