I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
