the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
