The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
