I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
