We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
