I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
