Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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