I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
