So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
