i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
