Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
