i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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