I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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