He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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