SEEEEXXX PLEASE
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
