Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
