saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
