can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
