Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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