Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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