I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
