i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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