I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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