I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
