i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
