after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
