his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
