sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
