Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
NoShamevember. You game?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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