if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
