Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
