Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
third nipple confirmed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
