We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
