Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I looked at my own cervix.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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