I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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