I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
