that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's get the cat blown out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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