fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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