This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
