And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
