Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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