So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
