Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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