so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
