On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
only if we run a train.
done.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
