I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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